Why I Cry

     I have just come from a wonderful journey of an assignment of the Lord writing a book called "The Woman at the Well."  It is at the publisher's as we speak.  I am excited to think the Lord could have brought me this far in my walk with Him that I should have the privilege to take His Word to the Nations.  During the course of writing this book it was a process of healing for myself as I wrote each word and contemplated what the Lord wanted me to learn and in turn teach other hurting women. 
     One revelation I came to learn about myself is that I cry.  I have always cried, I will always cry and most people misinterpret why I am crying so let me explain.

I cry because I feel your pain when I am physically close to you.  I have a gift of seeing into your very soul and feeling the emotions that you are going through.  This is a gift from the Lord not to invade your privacy but to let me know how and what to pray for you and to stand in the gap.

I cry because I feel the presence of the Lord and there is nothing more moving than feeling the love of God that can be overwhelming at times. 

I cry at church because I am so touched by the gentleness of the Holy Spirit and how the Lord comes and Heaven touches Earth when we worship Him with our whole hearts. 

I cry because at any moment the Lord can put someone on my heart whether they are near or far and give me the words to pray for them and stand in the gap. 

I cry because I feel the power of the Love that the Lord has for you. 

I don't cry because I am feeling sorry for myself, well not a lot anymore thanks to the Grace and Mercy of my loving Father in Heaven.  There is no need to cry for my own self.  I have been blessed beyond belief by the Father's protection and His peace. 

So in my past experiences I have been made fun of because I am sensitive and cry a lot, I have had  people who were supposed to love and take care of me, insult and ridicule me to the point of not being able to cry because I walled myself up and would not let myself cry.  Those days are over.  Through the course of writing down my most intimate moments in my life and the healing that has come from my relationship with the Lord, I have learned that its ok to cry.

There was a prophesy given to me a few months ago and I began to understand myself so much better. 
The person who gave me the prophesy said he saw two sets of towels one of each side of me.  The one set was wet and holding all the tears that I had cried over the years over God's business.  The other side contained dry towels of the many times I could have thrown in the towel and given up but didn't.  There was a single towel over me and that was God's covering.

So the next time you see me crying, don't think its because I have some pitiful life and I am feeling sorry for myself.  I am probably crying for you. 

Psalms 145:¹⁷ The Lord is righteous in all his ways
    and faithful in all he does.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cry and saves them.
²⁰ The Lord watches over all who love him,
    but all the wicked he will destroy.

²¹ My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
    Let every creature praise his holy name
    for ever and ever.

IT'S BEEN A HELL OF A WEEK!!!!! "oh no you did not just say that!" oh yes I did.

 Without going into specific details that are really none of anyone's business, it comes down to the fact that I am not perfect, not even close.  So many people depend on me to vent and complain and try and make me responsible for things they know nothing of.  They come to me to solve their problems, whine about how hard their life is, brag about how much smarter they are than me, argue with me when they want my advice.  The list does not end, it is endless, trailing off into eternity whining, bragging, insulting, and taking my gentleness for granted.  People in general see me as weak so I have been told.  I say I am meek. Meekness is sign of maturity and strength, knowing where I come from, knowing Who I belong to. 
     My patience has been tested and I failed again!  I heard a word from the Lord, I know what the plans are He has for me.  And once again like so many times over the last 32 years of being a Christian, I lost it!  I fretted and fussed and was hurt and angry because of things happening in the natural, even when the Lord told me to stop.  My stomach was upset, I couldn't sleep, I felt wronged and from everyone I talked to, they agreed rightfully so.  I literally cried out to the Lord crying so hard  that I almost lost my voice.  So what did it get me?  Nothing.  God is still there, never moved, never left me, His plans never changed, His grace and peace were right at the end of my fingertips if I had opened up my hands in praise to Him instead of clenching my fist at my enemies.  The small disappointment that happened had to happen in order for Him to move me into the blessing that He told me would happen for me.  Every single moment of my life has been ordained by God, I am chosen, I am on assignment right now, and no one in the natural or in the spiritual realm can stop me; accept me.  So now I know I will have to live through this lesson again until I FINALLY get it; and rest in His Peace, Grace and Love. 

Some scriptures to contemplate.
    Psalms 25:8 Good and upright is the LORD: therefore will he teach sinners in the way. 9 The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.
Psalms 25:12 What man is he that feareth the LORD? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.13 His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth.
Psalms 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Psalms 37:18 The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.
Psalms 37:22 For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.
Matthew 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Bus tales part three: Freedom Reigns

So in the first parts of this blog, I talked about two different women, completely different cultures coming from thousands of miles apart who had suffered at a young age the same plight in life.  Having to flee from another country to come to our country.  Let me say right now this is not a political statement.  This is a story of women overcoming and surviving traumatic things that most people have never had to encounter.  We don't really understand the trauma these events can bring to a young life. 
The similarities of their stories are fleeing in terror, being alone and having to face things that no child should have to face. 
I want to discuss the differences of these women.  The one woman from Korea, although educated and successful had no joy, there was an aura of dispair around her and she had no hope.  On the outside, all put together and on the inside, a little scared child not knowing how to heal the hurts.  The other woman, young hispanic girl, animated with joy and laughter and peace because she knows the true God and the value she has to the world because no matter what has happened in her life she is living proof that God exists. 

No one has asked me in a long time how I know God exists, I believe the times are changing and people know in their hearts that there is something more and they are hungry for His love.  No matter what your political views are, the bottom line is, we are to love one another.

What does God say about us?
Psalms 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  
This is for every single human being on the face of the earth, not just those of you who know the truth, so I challenge you, the next time you encounter someone remember they have the same rights as a child of God as you do, they just don't know it yet.  
Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
 So go forth!!!!! Share your faith, share your joy, give it away freely.  Be Bold!!!!!! Let's go out and let the world know of the tremendous gift God has for them:  TRUE FREEDOM!!!!!

Bus tales: Part two

I talked about a quiet, reserved, North Korean woman in my last blog that had overcome a traumatic childhood escaping from another country where her and her family's life was in danger.  Today I am going to tell a story of a young woman from Mexico who had to suffer a similar experience.

This young woman sat next to me bubbling with personality, laughing, friendly, outgoing, and spilling out her story to me.  She was born in Mexico and calls herself with a laugh "a true wetback".  When she was a child probably around five years old she and her family crossed the river from Mexico to the US in the middle of the night on a rickety over loaded boat.  She fell out and almost drowned.  Her father was abusive to her and her sister physically.  She tells of stories of her and her sister having knock down drag out fist fights with their father.  No matter how bad he was she talks of helping him now with a great fondness in her voice.  This is a true representation of how forgiveness can change your life.

After years of living in LA, three children later and two bad relationships with men, she found herself escaping again to Reno where she lived homeless in the park with her three young children.  She says the only thing that got her through all of it was her relationship with the Lord.  She still has her struggles but she has a job with a nonprofit legal center, a roof over her head and a joy and a peace that can only come from our Lord.  She sells Mary Kay on the side and uses it as a vehicle to minister to women and show them they can be beautiful no matter where they are in their lives.  She and I have become pretty good friends and she blesses me everyday with her joy and compassion toward others. 

A thought for the day:  Today you can choose to live in your past hurts, nurturing them with toxic thoughts and actions or you can move forward taking one day at a time, praising God for the opportunities He has presented to you. 

 I Thessalonians 3:7-13 Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. ⁸ For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord. ⁹ How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? ¹⁰ Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.
(my prayer for all the broken hearted people I know)
¹¹ Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you. ¹² May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. ¹³ May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.

 

Bus tales: Part one

Riding the bus has been quite the experience for me.  I have met some of the most amazing people I would never have met if the Lord had not given me this season of my life.  I want to tell you about two women, different cultures, different personalities, different lifestyles but so similar in the obstacles they had to overcome to where they are now. 

The first woman sat down shyly next to me on the crowded bus and opened up to me (as many people do) when I asked her where she worked and she began telling me her story.  She had been born in North Korea in the sixties when the Vietnam War was raging.  Her family was captured when she was 2 years old and they were put into a debriefing camp because they were North Korean communists.  They would be there to work off what ever debt the South Korean government felt was owed. 

Her father escaped to the United States and would send money multiple times to pay someone to smuggle the rest of the family out of the country to the United States.  Everytime it was failure, the payee would take the money and leave them high and dry.  It took ten years and finally this woman's mother fearing she would die trying to work long hours and crying over the future of her children, sent this 12 year old child to escape and go to her father in the US for help.  I can't imagine what it would be like at 12 to have to go with strangers and escape knowing you could be killed or worse, on a boat in the dark, scared but determined because there is no going back. It was a long hard trip for her and she knew it was a life or death situation.  She succeeded and was able to get here and with help from her father they were able to bring over the rest of the family.

She has been educated, has an important job with the State, takes care of her parents now that they are older and is completely Americanized at all appearances but I can't imagine the hurt and the pain she bears from her past.  She has not found God yet but I am praying for her.  Every person on the face of this earth no matter how rough or how different on the outside has been created for His purpose.  Everyone has a story to tell.

A thought for the day:  Focus on your gifts and do good today.  Remember that person you meet has a story and you might be surprised at what they have overcome just to be where they are today. 
 Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Make me lie down Lord!

Psalms 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 

^{Lord!  I get it, I finally get it!  After 30 years of serving You I finally got the revelation of this scripture!  (Doing the revelation dance! yee haw! ask me and I will tell you about the revelation dance)}

^{In our crazy excelerated world, its evident that we don't take the time to rest and be quiet before the Lord.  Hurry here, hurry there, Redbulls, Monsters,  5 hours, and then Xanax to come down from the energy drinks, geesh!!!!!!!!!!! We go fast and want to go faster, road rage, can't wait five seconds in a line at the bank or grocery store, "hurry up kids! got to get there just to wait", and then get angry all over again.  Our society is crazy!!!!!!!!  Lord help us or MAKE us lie down before You!  I like it that our Lord loves us enough when we are out of control He makes us lie down and who could think of a nicer place than in green pastures.  I lived on our family ranch for awhile when I was a child and there wasn't anything better than a nap in the grass in the orchard on a hot summer day, something about the cool grass and the smell of the living things growing all around, delicious!  Quiet waters, rolling your pant legs up and dipping your feet in the cool water, God knew of what he spoke of.}

He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

For His name’s sake.

 Yes Lord, please!  I will take restoration of my soul so I can go down the paths of righteousness that You have chosen for me for Your Name's sake.

Yes Lord, comfort and no fear, I will take some of that too!

 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; 

 I have learned Lord, to pray for mercy and blessings on my enemies.

You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Here is another scripture to meditate on also.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

So, I dare you, no I double dare you to turn off the TV, your cell phone, tell the kids to leave you alone and go into your prayer closet where you can't be disturbed and just praise God for all He is and wait, He shall surely restore your soul and renew your strength and maybe you will have an added bonus of getting a revelation of something He has been wanting to tell you, like how precious you are to Him.

     A few months ago when the weather was still brisk and cold early in the morning, I got off the bus and walked the block to my office.  I was walking through the parking lot toward my office door and slowed my pace as I noticed a young girl with a backpack in front of the building.  She was about 20ish, very lean, long mousy brown hair, and wearing a tanktop.  I watched the people going into the building treating her with distain because she was asking for money.  I was stunned at their attitudes. My heart was broken and I didn't know what hurt worse; the little girl needing help or the sadness of how society has become so calloused.
     Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  I don't deceive myself into believing everyone views life the same way I do, but I do know that everyone has the instinct to help each other if they haven't stifled it with smugness and self absorption. 
     I have always been one to try and be sensitive to the moving of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis and when I saw this girl I was filled with compassion. When I approached her and asked her what she needed. She was very sad and shivering  as she told me she had come to the area for a funeral for a family member and she was trying to get bus money to get home. I gave her money for food and some extra cash to help with her travels and when she looked at me tears filled her eyes.  I told her to wait there for a minute and I went inside to my room and got an old sweater I keep there.  I took it out and helped her put it on. She choked up with emotion.  I told her to go get something to eat and stay warm and "may God bless you in everything you do".  She was speechless but said thank you and walked away. 
     Was I a hero that day?  I think not.  I am just like anybody else and could have easily walked away from her and pretended not to see her, I could have judged her and not helped.  I prayed for her that day and maybe just maybe, the little insignificant gesture may have changed the direction of her life and had given her hope. 

Phillipians 5:4 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.